By Your Side by Sade

Love comes in many forms, and each should entail someone being by your side. Sade knows.

Transcript

By Your Side by Sade

Most of us don’t get butterflies in our stomachs when we see our parents, friends, children, or siblings. We might feel warm or blissful at the mention of them, but they don’t make us weak in the knees. On the contrary, sometimes, even just thinking about a significant other or someone we’re dating can evoke that sense of euphoria. So, we crave romance — sometimes to a fault and against our best interests.

Romantic love feels amazing. Without question. The sensation and even what it biologically does to our bodies is unrivaled.  

"Falling in love causes our body to release a flood of feel-good chemicals that trigger specific physical reactions," says Dr. Pat Mumby, professor in the Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Neurosciences at Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine (SSOM). He says "This internal elixir of love is responsible for making our cheeks flush, our palms sweat and our hearts race."

Levels of these substances, which include dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine, increase when two people fall in love. Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria while adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for the pitter-patter of the heart, restlessness and overall preoccupation that go along with experiencing love.
 

Even MRI scans indicate that love lights up the pleasure center of the brain.

Because this is the case, and romantic love can be so powerful, we often get tunnel vision and focus so intently on this form of expression that we undervalue the others that are fulfilling and readily available.

To have a true friend, an adoring mother, or a compassionate neighbor is also tremendous favor. Yet, we sometimes treat those other relationships like consolation prizes to fall back on when we’re in between lovers. 

This is why I love By Your Side by the smoothest of them all, Sade. Because it’s expresses deep love and care that is not explicitly romantic. It could be. But the song is ultimately about showing up for someone you care about. This to me is one of the most impactful demonstrations of love. By Your Side doesn’t differentiate between relationships. Which by default, applies the sentiment to them all. 

It reminds me of how the ancient Greeks recognized at least seven different forms of love. They even assigned each its own name to communicate that though each is different — all are powerful.

Let’s go through them real quick:

There’s Eros: Romantic Love

Eros is named after the Greek god of love and fertility. It involves passion, lust, and pleasure. It’s also where we got the term “erotica.” Cupid is modeled after Eros. This is the love that can act as a drug. We get that bodily high I mentioned from this type of love and experience deep sadness when it is tainted or taken away.

The second type of love is Philia, which is authentic, intimate friendship. From Philia stems the idea of “platonic” relationships, meaning “without physical attraction.” The term was named after Greek philosopher Plato who felt that physical attraction was not a necessary element of love.

Then there’s Agape: Universal Love

Agape is selfless, empathetic love. Such as the love for strangers and people whom we don’t know well. Agape love is bigger than you and me as it exhibits boundless compassion that is extended to everyone regardless of our connection to them. 

Ludus is Flirtatious Love

The Ancient Greeks thought of Ludus as a playful form of love. Think of a teenage crush or the affection demonstrated between young lovers. 

The affection experienced among family members is called Storge. This kinship-based love is protective, caring, nurturing, and unconditional. 

Pragma is devoted, companionate love such as marriage and life-partnership. It is a love built on understanding, patience, and long-term investment. Pragma has matured over time — tried and tested by the challenges of life.

Lastly there is Philautia: Self-Love

The Ancient Greeks understood well that to effectively care for others, we must first learn to care for ourselves.

By Your Side could make you think about any of these types of love and relationships. Its premise is richer than lust, and deeper than desire. 

Sade Adu’s voice alone makes this song, and every song she’s ever blessed, beautiful. Her voice is so distinctively soothing, I could listen to her sing about anything. Her voice is steady and relaxed to the point that I can’t imagine her ever being bothered about anything.

I think only she could have made By Your Side resonate the way it does. Gentle and calming, it does the work Sade vows to do for whomever is fortunate enough to have the goddess in their corner.

Sade speaks of being there when you’re down on your knees. When you’re cold. When you’re lost and alone. In other words, she promises to be there when needed most. 

Like in this situation:

And if you want to cry
 I am here to dry your eyes
 And in no time
 You’ll be fine

Crying is possibly our most overt display of vulnerability. I think a lot about how most of us are afraid to, and embarrassed when we cry in front of people. So much so that we often APOLOGIZE when we cry during a conversation or around others. We express regret for ruining a good time or bringing people down.

We hide in closets and bathrooms so no one will witness our tears—sobbing and shaking in silence. This, rather than allow someone to see us hurting and perhaps offer comfort.

This is why I love those lines so much. With them, Sade gives permission to cry to those who need it. She volunteers to be there for support. And if that were not enough, she offers reassurance that things will get better. You will feel better. Sooner than you think.

What a ways this can go when we are most distraught.

Love is beautiful and powerful and transformative. In every one of its magnificent forms, love is everything. Let’s appreciate the privilege it is to love and be loved in many different ways.

And please don’t ever apologize for your tears. Rather, make space for the person who will help carry your heart in its heaviest hours. Save room, leave a door open for those who would run to be by your side.